i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
