I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
