WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can i not drive my cunt home
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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