he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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