I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
