he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
