My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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