i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
