I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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