i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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