I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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