She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
