What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
