it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
