his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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