Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
