The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we're making bets on your personal life
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just googled if crying burns calories
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
