hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
