I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
