a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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