I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
be right there i have to get my cape
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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