i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
