I bet he comes in French.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
