That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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