i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
