my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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