Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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