Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize