The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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