i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize