her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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