worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
