i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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