when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize