Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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