I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
