I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
