soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
