2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
