Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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