Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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