Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
