billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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