hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
