I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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