I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize