i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
