Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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