Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
