i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
