I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
