im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
