i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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