Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
