he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
