Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
