sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
