Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize