lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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