And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
