ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
