2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
