You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
