She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
