dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
