This is not my ceiling
Porn is love you can see.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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