Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
