I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
