It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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